Better to not bother...

I have come to terms with a few things lately. It is really better to just not bother. In general, I have tried to do those little things. Little almost imperceptable things that people generally feel good about having done for them, and you would expect that to get paid forward somehow. Be it back to yourself, or to others. However, it is apparent that most everyone is selfish. Perhaps I am too. Perhaps I am selfish in that I try to do things, in order to reap some sort of benefit. Well regardless, it is time to stop. It only ever leads to resentment, and just a general feeling of being unimportant to that grand scheme of things. Truly I guess this ties back into the whole notion of would anyone ever notice if you were gone. Sometimes I think it would take weeks to months for people to notice I was gone. Some people would notice sooner then others, because their dinner wasn't made, and a few would notice when their social calendars weren't being filled for them, but on the grand scheme of things, I think most people would simply find out later and shrug their shoulders saying,"Oh, really...thats too bad."

I wonder sometimes if this is the downward slide into depression, or if this is just one of those rare moments where I lose my general feeling of wanting to please people. Maybe I should just say Fuck 'em, and look out for #1 for a while.

Hahahaha but then again, who would notice!