Hi. MY name is...what?
Interesting title that one. You can read it so many ways. It will mean a few different things to a few different people...which brings me to the point of this post. I don't know if anyone other then the 3 of you read this blog. I hope there are a bunch of people that do stop in to see me rant, because right now I need an opinion from someone that doesnt know me. Someone that does not feel as though they have to not TROUNCE on my feeling. YEs Feeling. I only have one left, so trounce away. Just read this....tell me what you think. Honestly. It is rough, and I know that, but I dont know if it has potential to be something that I want it to be, or if writing a kids book is going to go nowhere for me. I just would like to know...I know it is long, and I apologize, I dont know if I want several smaller books, or one long book. I dont know alot to be honest....just ridicule away.
Ascot
It was a clear spring morning on Maple Lake. The air was warm, the wind was calm and all was quiet. However all of that was about to change. You see, springtime on Maple Lake means one thing and one thing only….Hatching Season! Every year ducks come from all around to make their nests by the waters of Maple Lake. The lake is full of underwater weeds for ducks to munch on all summer long, and it has tall reeds to hide the nests away from anyone who shouldn’t find them. This year was no exception. Maple Lake was probably the best lake a duck could find to make a nest, and that's why Emma was going to be there.
Emma was the first to arrive at the lake. She wanted to have the perfect spot for her new nest, so she spent days walking in and out of the reeds and swimming back and forth across the lake until she found the perfect spot. Finally she found it. Nestled in amongst the reeds she found a small island, the perfect size for a ducks nest. Emma started the hard work now. She had to find the right pieces of reed to make her nest, she searched over every inch of the lake again and collected the finest pieces of nest making reed any duck has ever seen. She carefully placed each piece in place, one by one, until she had made to strongest, safest, and most beautiful nest anyone had ever seen. Emma still wanted something more. Something all the other ducks never thought of. Something to keep her baby warm when she wasn't there. So again Emma started her search. She looked all around the lake, and she found some pinecones….but they aren't warm. She searched a little further away from the lake and she found some berries….they were tasty, but they wouldn't keep any duck warm, she thought to herself. She walked further away from the lake and came upon a forest. Ducks don't normally go into the forest, but she had to find something warm for her baby that would be coming. She carefully continued on into the forest, and she heard a noise. "Ahem", said a small voice. Emma looked up and saw a black squirrel with an looking down at her.. "What is a duck doing in the forest?", asked the squirrel. Emma replied," I am sorry Mr. Squirrel, I was just looking for something warm for my nest." The squirrel smiled, "The name is Jim, and I might have something that would interest you than. Just wait here and I will go get it." With that the squirrel hurried off into his den and you could hear him rustling about. Finally Jim popped out of his den, and with him was a piece of a scarf that a child had lost during the cold winter in the forest. "Would you like this?" asked Jim. "That’s perfect!" said Emma, as happy as could be. "But I don’t have anything for you" said a sad Emma. The squirrel began thinking. He scratched his head with his little hand, and flicked his tail back and forth. Than he said, " I have an idea, how about I give you this scarf now and later on you can do me a favor?"
It didn’t take Emma long to agree to that deal, she would be more than happy to help out her new friend. Emma gratefully took the warm scarf. "Thank you Jim, and by the way, my name is Emma "she said. The two new friends talked for awhile, until it was starting to get dark, and time for Emma to get back to her new home. They said their good-bye’s and Emma started walking back home thinking about her new friend and her new scarf for her nest. When Emma got back to her nest, she placed the scarf inside and settled in on top of it, ready for a good nights sleep. She was happy to have something warm for her new baby.
The next morning, Emma got up and started to tear the scarf into smaller pieces to line her nest with. The scarf was very pretty, it was green, and red, and looked something like a checkerboard. The best part though, was how soft and warm the scarf was. It was as soft as air and as warm as a hug from your Mom. Her new baby would be very happy. As Emma busily worked on her nest, ducks started coming in from all over. Some were friends she hadn't seen since last spring and others were brand new. It was an exciting and busy time at the lake. Emma finally finished making her nest. It was going to be so warm. She was very proud of her new nest.
As the day wore on and more and more ducks arrived, Emma swam out on the lake to greet her old friends. All the ducks talked and talked until one of Emmas' friends said, "I think it is time we started making our nests!" Emma smiled proudly and said, " I flew in early and I am already done." All the other ducks started to giggle. "You couldn't possibly be done, it is your first nest, and you don't know what you are doing." they said. Emma was mad. She took all of her friends to her nest and showed them what a wonderful job she had done. She showed them how she had picked the best reeds, and how she got a scarf to make it warm. The other ducks started to make fun of her scarf. "She doesn't know to use feathers to make it warm!" they laughed. "That’s the funniest nest I have ever seen." they said as they all swam away.
Emma was sad, she thought her friends would be happy for her. She thought she had the best nest any duck had ever made. Emma walked up her little island, and stepped into her nest. Emma tried to sleep, but couldn't. All she kept thinking about was how mean her friends were to her and how maybe her nest wasn't the best after all. She just wanted her new baby to be warm and safe, like any good mom would. Finally, Emma fell asleep, she was still sad that her friends were mean, but she decided she did have the best nest after all. No matter what her friends might say.
The next morning Emma awoke, and in her nest was an egg. It was her first egg. She was so happy she got out on the lake and started to sing a happy little song. "Quack quack quack!" she sang. Once again the other ducks started to laugh at her. Some of them had eggs, but they weren't being silly, they thought. This time Emma didn’t care that they were making fun of her. She had her new egg and a warm nest and that was all that mattered. She swam back to her nest and sat on her egg to keep it extra warm and watched the other ducks play in the water. While she was happily sitting on her egg she heard a familiar voice call her. "Emma! Emma! Are you out there?" it said. Emma called back, " I am right over here Jim. What can I do for you?" Jim was very excited, he was pacing back and forth across the shoreline telling Emma all about the fact he was about to be a new Dad. Emma was very happy for Jim. She told him that she had her first ever egg, and how great a job the scarf was doing in keeping it warm. Jim was glad to hear about that. "Maybe our babies can be friends, just like we are." Said Jim. Emma was very excited at that idea. "How come you aren't out with the other ducks?" asked Jim. Emma told Jim how mean all the other ducks were to her. "Don’t you worry about them, I think the scarf is an excellent idea. I bet they all wished they had one!" said Jim. Emma was glad her new friend liked her idea. "Well I couldn't have done it without you Jim." Emma said. Emma and Jim continued to talk until it was time for Jim to go get more nuts for his growing family. "See you later Emma!" Jim called as he darted off into the forest. Emma laughed, "Good Bye!" she yelled as she watched his fuzzy black tail disappear into darkness.
The next few days were very hectic for Emma, she was busy preparing for her ducklings arrival. She had to think of a name for the baby, she had to find all the safest spots on the lake so nothing could hurt her baby, and she had to find all the best spots for feeding her baby. Emma accomplished all but one. She still had not come up with a name for her little duckling. Jim suggested Donald or Daisy, but Emma thought those were silly names. Emma finally decided that maybe it would be best to see her duckling first, that way she could pick a name that would suit her baby perfectly. Emma returned to her nest to sit and wait for her egg to hatch. She wanted so badly to know whether it was going to be a boy or a girl. She sat patiently, and she sat, and she sat. Then she felt something. Something started to move. She stood up and looked at the egg, but the egg was still sitting there not doing anything out of the ordinary. Emma sat back down. A minute or so passed and something moved again. Emma sprang to her feet and watched the egg very closely, and this time she saw it! It wobbled, ever so slightly. Emma was as excited as she had ever been, she was watching her duckling come out of its shell.
Emma stood over the egg for what seemed like days, but was only several minutes. The egg formed a small crack along its side, and as the egg moved the crack got longer. The crack turned into a small hole, and the small hole turned into a bigger hole. Finally, the tip of a beak broke through the egg shell, and then a head, an finally the egg broke open to reveal the most beautiful duckling the world has ever seen. The duckling stumbled around the nest, getting familiar with his new surroundings. Emma stood by in amazement as she watched her new baby boy discover his new world. The duckling began walking towards his mother, but fell over. When he got up, a piece of the scarf was gently wrapped around his neck. At that moment, Emma knew what the new ducklings name would be. It would be Ascot.
Ascot
It was a clear spring morning on Maple Lake. The air was warm, the wind was calm and all was quiet. However all of that was about to change. You see, springtime on Maple Lake means one thing and one thing only….Hatching Season! Every year ducks come from all around to make their nests by the waters of Maple Lake. The lake is full of underwater weeds for ducks to munch on all summer long, and it has tall reeds to hide the nests away from anyone who shouldn’t find them. This year was no exception. Maple Lake was probably the best lake a duck could find to make a nest, and that's why Emma was going to be there.
Emma was the first to arrive at the lake. She wanted to have the perfect spot for her new nest, so she spent days walking in and out of the reeds and swimming back and forth across the lake until she found the perfect spot. Finally she found it. Nestled in amongst the reeds she found a small island, the perfect size for a ducks nest. Emma started the hard work now. She had to find the right pieces of reed to make her nest, she searched over every inch of the lake again and collected the finest pieces of nest making reed any duck has ever seen. She carefully placed each piece in place, one by one, until she had made to strongest, safest, and most beautiful nest anyone had ever seen. Emma still wanted something more. Something all the other ducks never thought of. Something to keep her baby warm when she wasn't there. So again Emma started her search. She looked all around the lake, and she found some pinecones….but they aren't warm. She searched a little further away from the lake and she found some berries….they were tasty, but they wouldn't keep any duck warm, she thought to herself. She walked further away from the lake and came upon a forest. Ducks don't normally go into the forest, but she had to find something warm for her baby that would be coming. She carefully continued on into the forest, and she heard a noise. "Ahem", said a small voice. Emma looked up and saw a black squirrel with an looking down at her.. "What is a duck doing in the forest?", asked the squirrel. Emma replied," I am sorry Mr. Squirrel, I was just looking for something warm for my nest." The squirrel smiled, "The name is Jim, and I might have something that would interest you than. Just wait here and I will go get it." With that the squirrel hurried off into his den and you could hear him rustling about. Finally Jim popped out of his den, and with him was a piece of a scarf that a child had lost during the cold winter in the forest. "Would you like this?" asked Jim. "That’s perfect!" said Emma, as happy as could be. "But I don’t have anything for you" said a sad Emma. The squirrel began thinking. He scratched his head with his little hand, and flicked his tail back and forth. Than he said, " I have an idea, how about I give you this scarf now and later on you can do me a favor?"
It didn’t take Emma long to agree to that deal, she would be more than happy to help out her new friend. Emma gratefully took the warm scarf. "Thank you Jim, and by the way, my name is Emma "she said. The two new friends talked for awhile, until it was starting to get dark, and time for Emma to get back to her new home. They said their good-bye’s and Emma started walking back home thinking about her new friend and her new scarf for her nest. When Emma got back to her nest, she placed the scarf inside and settled in on top of it, ready for a good nights sleep. She was happy to have something warm for her new baby.
The next morning, Emma got up and started to tear the scarf into smaller pieces to line her nest with. The scarf was very pretty, it was green, and red, and looked something like a checkerboard. The best part though, was how soft and warm the scarf was. It was as soft as air and as warm as a hug from your Mom. Her new baby would be very happy. As Emma busily worked on her nest, ducks started coming in from all over. Some were friends she hadn't seen since last spring and others were brand new. It was an exciting and busy time at the lake. Emma finally finished making her nest. It was going to be so warm. She was very proud of her new nest.
As the day wore on and more and more ducks arrived, Emma swam out on the lake to greet her old friends. All the ducks talked and talked until one of Emmas' friends said, "I think it is time we started making our nests!" Emma smiled proudly and said, " I flew in early and I am already done." All the other ducks started to giggle. "You couldn't possibly be done, it is your first nest, and you don't know what you are doing." they said. Emma was mad. She took all of her friends to her nest and showed them what a wonderful job she had done. She showed them how she had picked the best reeds, and how she got a scarf to make it warm. The other ducks started to make fun of her scarf. "She doesn't know to use feathers to make it warm!" they laughed. "That’s the funniest nest I have ever seen." they said as they all swam away.
Emma was sad, she thought her friends would be happy for her. She thought she had the best nest any duck had ever made. Emma walked up her little island, and stepped into her nest. Emma tried to sleep, but couldn't. All she kept thinking about was how mean her friends were to her and how maybe her nest wasn't the best after all. She just wanted her new baby to be warm and safe, like any good mom would. Finally, Emma fell asleep, she was still sad that her friends were mean, but she decided she did have the best nest after all. No matter what her friends might say.
The next morning Emma awoke, and in her nest was an egg. It was her first egg. She was so happy she got out on the lake and started to sing a happy little song. "Quack quack quack!" she sang. Once again the other ducks started to laugh at her. Some of them had eggs, but they weren't being silly, they thought. This time Emma didn’t care that they were making fun of her. She had her new egg and a warm nest and that was all that mattered. She swam back to her nest and sat on her egg to keep it extra warm and watched the other ducks play in the water. While she was happily sitting on her egg she heard a familiar voice call her. "Emma! Emma! Are you out there?" it said. Emma called back, " I am right over here Jim. What can I do for you?" Jim was very excited, he was pacing back and forth across the shoreline telling Emma all about the fact he was about to be a new Dad. Emma was very happy for Jim. She told him that she had her first ever egg, and how great a job the scarf was doing in keeping it warm. Jim was glad to hear about that. "Maybe our babies can be friends, just like we are." Said Jim. Emma was very excited at that idea. "How come you aren't out with the other ducks?" asked Jim. Emma told Jim how mean all the other ducks were to her. "Don’t you worry about them, I think the scarf is an excellent idea. I bet they all wished they had one!" said Jim. Emma was glad her new friend liked her idea. "Well I couldn't have done it without you Jim." Emma said. Emma and Jim continued to talk until it was time for Jim to go get more nuts for his growing family. "See you later Emma!" Jim called as he darted off into the forest. Emma laughed, "Good Bye!" she yelled as she watched his fuzzy black tail disappear into darkness.
The next few days were very hectic for Emma, she was busy preparing for her ducklings arrival. She had to think of a name for the baby, she had to find all the safest spots on the lake so nothing could hurt her baby, and she had to find all the best spots for feeding her baby. Emma accomplished all but one. She still had not come up with a name for her little duckling. Jim suggested Donald or Daisy, but Emma thought those were silly names. Emma finally decided that maybe it would be best to see her duckling first, that way she could pick a name that would suit her baby perfectly. Emma returned to her nest to sit and wait for her egg to hatch. She wanted so badly to know whether it was going to be a boy or a girl. She sat patiently, and she sat, and she sat. Then she felt something. Something started to move. She stood up and looked at the egg, but the egg was still sitting there not doing anything out of the ordinary. Emma sat back down. A minute or so passed and something moved again. Emma sprang to her feet and watched the egg very closely, and this time she saw it! It wobbled, ever so slightly. Emma was as excited as she had ever been, she was watching her duckling come out of its shell.
Emma stood over the egg for what seemed like days, but was only several minutes. The egg formed a small crack along its side, and as the egg moved the crack got longer. The crack turned into a small hole, and the small hole turned into a bigger hole. Finally, the tip of a beak broke through the egg shell, and then a head, an finally the egg broke open to reveal the most beautiful duckling the world has ever seen. The duckling stumbled around the nest, getting familiar with his new surroundings. Emma stood by in amazement as she watched her new baby boy discover his new world. The duckling began walking towards his mother, but fell over. When he got up, a piece of the scarf was gently wrapped around his neck. At that moment, Emma knew what the new ducklings name would be. It would be Ascot.
posted by Rally at
8:40 PM
2 Comments:
Read your story and it's very cute. There are some minor grammer mistakes, but i am sure you will catch those on a re-read. There are also a few other minor things i would change to make some of the language more conducive to children, perhaps a bit more lyrical. I could be more specific if you are interested.
And maybe it's just me, but the punch line was lost on me because i had to look up the word ascot. Are children going to be familiar with this word? If you don't know the word, and you aren't inclined to go look it up, the conclusion is kind of ruined. Unless of course, you just assume that it means scarf (which is what i did, but still wanted to know the exact definition). As i cannot remember clearly what it was like to be a child reading a book, i am not sure if they would infer that the word obviously meant scarf. My suggestion is to introduce the word when you first introduce the scarf so that it's clear when you get to the end. Or maybe you were planning to have the children ask their parents or something?
Anyway, i like how it's written for children but is not so dumbed down like other books can be. I always feel like those kinds of books are just making kids dumber.
Oh and to be nitpicky, i was wondering how long it takes a duck egg to hatch... cause i think you made it happen in one day and though i don't know much about ducks and eggs, this seems awfully fast. I think this kind of factual information should be correct, even in a book for children (even if the information is pointless and won't help or hinder the child in any way)... So if you have to say 'weeks later' or whatever, then i think you should. That's just how i feel about the accuracy of information in children's books because they don't know to think that it might not be true and then they go through life with these obscure inaccurate factoids floating around their heads which are hard to get out of there when they have been solidifying unconsciously for years and years. Anyway, maybe the timeline for duck eggs in your story is accurate and i just rambled on for nothing in which case, good on you. I'm just pointing out everything i thought about when i read the story because i feel that's what you are asking for and it's the only way i can be of any help.
These are just my very humble opinions. Hope they are helpful.
I posted twice today to make up for my absence... so eat up!
By
one L, at 7:13 AM
As a side note, how do you go about getting something like this published? Have you published in the past? I want to do something with words - words or music - but am not really sure how to go about doing it. And they both seem like incredibly hard areas to get into without some help. I wish sitting in an office day in and day out at a job that was boring and unchallenging interested me in some way. Or at least wouldn't make me wish i was dead... my life would be a whole lot easier then. Damn me and my idealistic search for magic!
By
one L, at 7:20 AM
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